yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
handjob tips. give me some.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
