At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
