so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His hands were made for my vagina.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we're so committed to being not committed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
