Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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