God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
