Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
