my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
