I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
