I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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