he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
