Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize