Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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