I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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