3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
