i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
