My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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