I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
