she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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