Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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