my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
