Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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