Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
