i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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