great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I am morally bankrupt
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Randomize
