the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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