I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
