she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
