News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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