You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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