Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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