when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
