he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
