Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
