OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
