mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
