he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
