I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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