My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Randomize
