I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
