i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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