It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
