I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
