Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
