i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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