Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
