I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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