I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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