your parents love me but you hate me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
