She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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