I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
