you guys were way drunker than both of me
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
