I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
