Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
