her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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