I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm too high and old for this...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
