I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
sarcasm needs its own font
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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