gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
