Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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