take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
