I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His hands were made for my vagina.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
