So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
