So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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