Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
