Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
These tits shall not be calmed
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
