hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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