Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
