well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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