508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
