She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
