I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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