Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
