dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
