you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
