Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
