people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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