i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
