where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize