I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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