I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
