I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
