If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
