remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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