I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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