So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
