Christians are straight up FREAKS
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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