You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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