Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
